Describe

It's dark. The air feels crisp, clean and a perfect 75 degrees. With the soft, cool breeze comes the sound of rustling leaves and swaying trees and further out I can hear the hooves of five or six large horses chasing each other around on the hillside just outside of our camp sight. I also hear the crackling and hissing of our dying campfire. I look up at the sky and see millions of stars shining bright and the biggest orange-colored moon I've ever seen. Just below, I see the glowing embers of what was a raging campfire just moments before, and it sends sparks into the air every now and then. The trees and galloping horses in the distance are beautiful silhouettes against the deep dark blue mountain sky. I look over at Michael, who is sharing the raw tree-branch bench with me next to the dying fire, as he takes another gulp of his fresh lime margarita and finishes with an "ahhhh". I've never in my life felt so relaxed, so happy. I feel honored to have such a beautiful world to explore.

Touch

I feel the loose dirt under my boots and I feel my spurs wiggle and spin with each step. I feel the wetness dripping off of my cold beer. I feel a clean, warm breeze blowing on my face and I feel the moisture of the clouds as a storm rolls in. I feel barbeque sauce drip down my hand and I feel the crisp yet soft bun on my fingertips. I feel the heat coming off the fire and I feel the roughness of the bench formed from raw tree branches on my palms and the backs of my legs.

Smell

I smell the mustiness of a storm rolling in over the mountains. I smell meat cooking and I smell the campfire that's cooking it. I smell the beer I hold in my hand. I smell horse manure and sweat, but it smells great. I smell a multitude of foods coming from the kitchen in the eating hall and I smell sweet tea and lemonade that my kids are drinking.

Taste

The air tastes fresh, crisp and natural. I can taste the rain that is coming in from the South. I taste the spiciness of barbequed pork and crispy, creamy coleslaw on a homemade country wheat bun and I wash it down with an ice cold beer, crisp and sharp. I can taste the smoke coming off of the fire, which is blowing in my face and tastes like freedom.

Hear

I hear hundreds of hooves against the loose dirt. I hear cowboys and wranglers, "Whoa!" "Heeeyyyy now" "Good boy, Barney" "Y'all ready to go?" I hear the laughter of children playing horseshoes in front of their cabins. I hear the long blades of dry grass rubbing against one another as the breeze picks up. I hear meat sizzling and grease popping over the campfire, which is hissing and crackling. I hear glasses clinking together on the patio outside of the bar and a group of middle aged adults say, "To getting away!"

See

I'm on a dude ranch in Colorado. I see mountains against a beautiful blue sky, big fluffy white clouds moving slowly away. I see horses grazing on the hilly pastures. Some are eating grass, others are running, and a few are on the ground under the trees. the trees, mostly pines, are swaying in a gentle breeze. There are cowboys in the corral next to the brick red stablehouse saddling up a few horses for the a family about to head out on a day trip through the mountains.

Lemon Pound Cake

   Growing up my mother used to make this incredible lemon poppyseed pound cake with a sweet lemon zest glaze. It was seriously life-changing - moist and dense and sticky on top from the glaze, which was my favorite part. I could sit down and eat the entire cake. Of course back then it didn't really matter if I did things like that as back then I had metabolism, something I've seen no sign of myself having for a few years now.
   Tonight is our bi-weekly family dinner. We follow a rotation to determine who hosts on which weeks and I always bring dessert. Something - I'm not sure what - jogged my memory several days ago and I have been dying for a piece of Mom's lemon poppyseed pound cake. After having two c-sections in two years I've had to start really watching what I eat and, because I'm doing Weight Watchers I calculate the nutritional values of everything I eat into Points. After calculating the points for my mother's pound cake let's just say it's not practical in any sense for me to bake this caloric monstrosity if I want to continue not being fat. So I converted the recipe into a Weight Watcher friendly version and I'm about to give it a go!
   Here is my converted recipe:

1 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp of salt
1/2 cup light sour cream
1/2 cup applesauce, unsweetened
4 TB butter, softened
1 TB lemon zest
1/3 cup lemon juice
1 cup sugar
1/2 tsp of vanilla
1/4 tsp of almond extract
2 TB lemon extract
1 large egg
3 egg whites

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Combine flour, salt and baking powder in large bowl, whisk until thoroughly combined.

Cream butter, sugar and lemon zest together. Add eggs. In a separate bowl mix sour cream, lemon juice, applesauce and extracts. Mixing well after each addition. Add to sugar mixture.

Stir dry ingredients into wet, mix until just combined. Do not over-mix.

Bake at 350 degrees for 45-55 minutes.

For Lemon Glaze add lemon juice to powdered sugar 1 tsp at a time until desired consistency. Glaze cake once when it comes out of the oven and once when completely cool.

   It's a nasty, cloudy morning, still early for my fella so the house smells of fresh coffee. It's beginning to heat up outside so the house is beginning to get stuffy. Before I begin I will open all the windows and let it that cloudy, pre-rain smell that I love so much on a beautiful Spring morning. Upon beginning this process, my first instinct is to smell the lemon extract. I could drink it if I didn't think it would knock me straight over. It smells sweet and sour, not at all bitter. It's a very natural and clean smell. I wonder if I could just put this awesome-smelling liquid in my wax burner and make my whole house smell like a Springtime Heaven? I realize as I'm setting everything up that, as usual, I forgot to set out the butter to let it soften. Shit. I microwaved it on 50% and it seems to be just soft enough. Now I realize someone used all of my sugar and failed to tell me. Fantastic. Guess I'm running to the store. I'm beginning to think this is not going to go as well as I had hoped.

   Let's try this again. I've got all my ingredients ready. The oven is preheating - 5 minutes and 49 seconds until it reaches 350. Turning on some Miranda Lambert and I'm getting to it. While separating the egg whites from the yolks I noticed that every egg I pulled from the carton had double yolks. I've never seen an entire carton contain double yolks. Very weird. It took two whole lemons to get the amount of juice and zest that I needed and I managed to zest the entire side of my left hand while zesting my lemons prior to juicing them, which was total torture to my freshly skinned palm, but oh my goodness, the smell! It's fresh and summery and absolutely heavenly! I now have all of the ingredients mixed in their separate bowls and I'm preparing, along with my helper, to combine them all together to get my batter.

   Now that all of the ingredients are mixed together the batter looks almost identical, minus the poppyseeds, to my mom's pound cake. The smell is nearly intoxicating - smooth, sweet and a little sour packed with fresh lemon aroma and a hint of almond. The color is a lovely butter/lemon combination and the batter seems to be the perfect consistency. Thick, but not doughy with tiny little slivers of lemon zest. Time to pan it up and pop it in the oven.

   Now it's time to wait. Fifteen minutes in my house is already filled with this enticing aroma. While baking, the mixture smells much more buttery than the batter did. I could literally eat an entire stick of butter, so this smell is torture. It's going to be almost impossible to wait nine hours to eat this concoction of the Gods. I'm thinking my mother is going to cook something not so Weight Watcher friendly tonight, so I'm rethinking my powdered sugar glaze as I will be eating bad and drinking a gallon of wine and I doubt I need the extra calories. I've just opened the fridge and noticed I have a carton of blueberries and a carton of blackberries. I love the combination of lemon with berries so I believe I'll make a black and blueberry sauce sweetened with Splenda to top the cake instead. This will be "free" on the Weight Watchers program since fruits contain no points and it will lower the points value a bit.

   I bought the berries I'm using five or six days ago, so I have to pick through the cold, moist berries to pull out the ones that have softened a bit too much. My hands are sticky from the small amount of juice that had gathered at the bottom of the cartons of berries. I've pureed the berries together with my immersion blender and added the Splenda, but there's still something missing. To make the sauce better compliment the lemon cake I've added 2 Tablespoons of lemon juice and a splash of diet cream soda. It is perfect. It has a pretty deep purple color to it and the little blackberry seeds suspended in fresh fruit make it look extremely appealing.

  
   I have 17 minutes left until I can pull the cake out of the oven and the smell has become completely unbearable. The combination of butter, almond and lemon smells like a heart-attack in a pan. I took a whiff of the berries while leaning over the oven where the cake is baking and the two smell absolutely divine together. I think I made a good choice in substituting for the glaze.
   Finally, time's up! As I pull the cake out of the oven, the heat burns my chapped lips, but smells divine! I'm tempted to jump right in the pan and eat my way out of this incredible pastry. The top of the cake is perfectly brown, has a beautiful crack down the middle where the better has risen and it is firm to the touch. I can tell just by looking at the loaf that it is super moist and is going to be delicious. I'm very excited to eat this! I may just skip dinner and go straight to the wine and sweets! (Don't tell Weight Watchers.)

  

Reflection - Final Post

   The assignment was to write every day on the blogs we created specifically for the class. Every single day. After first reading the assignment description I was excited to get started. The first few entries were easy and I didn't mind the first week or so of the blogging exercise. Upon entering the second week of assigned blogging I began to run out of creativity. I started using the daily writing prompt generator every day in order to achieve the goal of posting an entry each day for 3 weeks. The assignment started to seem like a big pain in the butt. I got to the point where I would wait until just before bed to blog and there were several times I knew I had not done my best and, honestly didn't care because I had become annoyed with the assignment and wanted it to be over. Once week number three had begun I was feeling confident about my writing. Sick of putting in so much time and effort, but increasingly confident. I had picked up the pace greatly and it seems now like the words just come out on their own. I've always had the ability to put words together well and I consider myself to be a good writer, but I think until now I was lacking in creativity and in fluency. Now I think it's much easier to sit behind this computer and get down exactly the thoughts that I want to put down in a manner that makes sense, sounds good and expresses much more ease than before. In my opinion, this exercise was very effective. I learned a lot with very little effort. I will likely continue to blog throughout the semester in order to continue building my writing skills as I would love to further my fluency even more than I already have.

   There is a very good chance I have had too much wine to be blogging, but I had a busy day today! There was laundry involved, and family and dinners and all sorts of activities and I am worn out. It seems like the older I get, no matter what's going on in my life I get more and more busy throughout the years. I'm only twenty-six and already I feel like I need a long week or two of having no responsibilities whatsoever. I know that my life is blessed and I could not possibly be happier, but having two children under the age of 3, being a full time online student and trying my damnedest to keep my home clean and happy for my husband and myself is absolutely exhausting. In the past I heard women say that being a stay-at-home mom was a hard job and I thought it was a joke. I've been working overtime every week with crazy hours in unappreciated customer service for nearly a decade and I've been a stay-at--home mom for 2 months. I can tell you first hand that what I'm doing right now is far more exhausting (and rewarding, for that matter). I love my life so much right now and I could not be more thankful to all of the factors that led to this being possible. Thank you, circumstance.

Meet Michael

   Michael is six foot, four inches tall and somewhere around two hundred fifty pounds with a broad chest and long torso. He has a working man's hands that are surprisingly soft and attractive. He has a big, round belly and long, skinny legs. On his right arm is a tattoo of the sun and, on his left is the moon. He has his last name tattooed on his back from shoulder blade to shoulder blade. Atop his head there is a line on which hair no longer grows due to a scar from a car accident years ago. The rest of his hair is short and clean-cut and he has a goatee. Michael makes friends easily as he has a nearly unnecessary amount of energy and an over-the-top, larger-than-life personality that seems infectious to everyone around him. He is funny, silly and a little crazy, but flies off the handle fairly easily and can be very serious when discussing things he is passionate about such as his children and their mother. He is an incredible father and treats his girlfriend like the best friend that she is. The two of them have been together for four years, have two young boys and have never been happier than they are now. Michael is a big teddy bear. He loves to snuggle and is very affectionate. He works full-time as a cook in a busy restaurant and goes home late each night, tired from the day's work, but after a quick shower and a couple beers he's right back at it, being a silly, clumsy goofball. He has watched wrestling every Monday and every Friday since he was a kid and, if provoked will give a long, detailed, semi-heated explanation of why it is such an amazing sport, even though it is fake. Michael is the most incredible man I've ever known and I'm excited to spend many more years with him!

PS - No, we're not having more kids. NO WAY.

Junk in the Trunk...drawer actually, but trunk sounds more amusing

   Am I the only person in the world that keeps a large collection of the strangest assortment of items that will likely never be used? I mean, everyone has a junk drawer, but mine is a bit over the top. It's barely closeable. About once every six months my boyfriend gets frustrated and goes through it, pulling out all of the items he deems unnecessary to be kept. And with each item, I have a miniature heart attack thinking, "What if someday we find ourselves in a bad situation that can only be made better by that piece-of-shit cheap orange crayon? What if one of the boys breaks the orange Crayola and they NEED that one?!" Although I realize I'm a small-scale hoarder, there is logic behind it and it makes perfect sense...to me at least. For each individual item there are a several different possible occurrences that would require the use of the object. In my mind, if it's possible it's going to happen, but not until the day we throw that item out. I think this way because it's happened SO MANY TIMES! I swear I'm not crazy. Looking through the junk drawer, I see the aforementioned orange crayon, four Color Wonder markers (which only work on Color Wonder paper...which we don't have), the receipt from the purchase of the couch that we no longer  have, two empty CD cases (likely from the early 2000s, the CD's to which I no longer have), three empty pill bottles (hey! You can keep a lot of stuff in those things!), two nearly empty containers of hand sanitizer and about a million other random items that I've collected and thrown in there on a whim over the last six months. I'm beginning to run out of room in there. I guess it's time to let some things go!

December 2, 1987

   It was December 2, 1987, early in the morning. My mother was at home, packing a duffel bag full of baby clothes, diapers, wipes, nursing gear and personal hygiene products she would need during her 3-4 day stay at the hospital where she actually worked. She had a C-section scheduled just a few shorts hours away and was ready to get things going. My father had decided, for whatever reason, that a huge breakfast from Shoney's all-you-can-eat buffet was in order that morning. Because my mother was required to fast for 12 hours, my dad went on by himself to gorge on greasy bacon, artificial eggs and those little shortcakes with strawberry compote (ugh) and the thickest whipped cream you've ever seen (mmmm). They had planned for several months now that the baby, which was a girl, would be named Aja after the Steeley Dan album my father so loved. In all honesty, I had to look up the lyric interpretation of this song and, hilariously enough, the song is actually about a bordello and includes many drug references. It is, though, a difficult song to understand and I assume my parents just really loved the sound of the name Aja. Back to the story, Dad had just finished his giant breakfast and headed home to get Mom all loaded up and headed to the hospital. It was baby time! During the procedure, the doctors informed my father that he could watch if he wanted, but it was a fairly bloody procedure. Dad stood up and looked over the curtain. I cannot blame him, as it was his child being brought into the world and he is a very protective man. Turns out peaking was not a good idea. Dad immediate became woozy and it must've been apparent, as the nurse calmly said to him, "Sir, if you go down, I cannot catch you." He sat back down in the chair provided and continued feeling ill until they handed him the birth certificate to be filled out and signed. On the line provided for the child's name, my light-headed father wrote "Asia". Yes, this is a different spelling than the song he was so excited to name his child after, but hey, he was lucky to still be conscious. So, while I was named after my dad's favorite album, it is not obvious by simply looking at my name, as the spelling indicates I was named after a continent. I have decided, though, over the years that I prefer the spelling I ended up with and I'm glad my dad is such a goober. Never heard the song? Here ya go...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fG2seugAgnU

Favorite Words

   This is a fun assignment. Coming up with the five words I like more than any others. I'm thinking way too far into this. There are so many to choose from! In order to begin this process, I will produce a list of all of my favorites and narrow it down closer to the assignment's due date. Here we go!

1. Passionate
2. Momma
3. Anesthesia
4. Unique
5. Wango
6. Circumstance
7. Macchiato
8. Love
9. Concurrent
10. Trials
11. Encounter
12. Vino
13. Sugar
14. Puzzle
15. Baby

Missing : Mind

A woman in Springfield, Missouri has allegedly lost her mind. Asia Eli, 26, says it may have been stolen right from her head at some point during the past week, but it could have been missing for as long as 2 years. Ms.Eli claims she has not checked on the status of her mind much in the last three years and is unsure how long it has truly been gone. This mind is thought to be deep, open and larger than life. It was, at one time, very sharp, but have dulled quite a bit in previous years. Asia is offering a reward for finding her mind in the form of a hug, as she does not have much else to give. Anyone with any information regarding this mind is encouraged to call the Springfield Police Department.

Respect

If there was one phrase I would say I live my life by, it would be "treat others the way you want to be treated". Though it's not always an easy task, life hands you a lot more lemons when you act the way God intended for us to act. This includes treating people with respect. All people. Admittedly, I do not always succeed to doing so, but it is important to keep trying to keep up this lifestyle. In my opinion, Karma is a very real concept. I have had terrible luck my entire life, but when I'm not as kind and caring as I could be I always wind up regretting it, whether that's because it remains on my conscience or because it seems afterward I have a raincloud above my head, following me everywhere I go. I find that when I make an effort to treat everyone the way that I, myself, want to be treated life is more simple in the best possible way. The world has a way of biting you (or at least me) in the ass when you fail to follow through with this concept. In closing, let me just remind you that it is vastly important to treat everyone with respect, regardless of how you truly feel about them or how they treat you. God, in my opinion, takes this into account at some point or another and that's the last person you want to piss off!

Candlelight Vigil

This evening I packed up the boys and headed out to the candlelight vigil for little Hailey Owens on Commercial Street. Never in my life did I imagine the number of people that would show up in honor of this sweet girl's death. I've never seen anything like it. 10,000 plus people filled the streets for 4 blocks with candles, posters and flowers. There were lanterns and balloons sent into flight toward the heavens to meet up with Hailey. Her family, as they walked along the path cleared for them, were clearly moved by the percentage of Springfield that came to show their support. As my children and I were walking the half-mile from our parking spot to the ceremony I listened to the family behind me discussing their niece, who was Hailey's best friend, and how she woke up this morning and finally broke down. It's heartbreaking the number of people effected by this, but inspiring how many of us went out there, fought traffic and walked all that way for a short 45 minute ceremony to honor this angel whose life was unjustly taken from her just 4 days ago. There is talk going around that the clowns from Westborough Baptist Church showed up for the specific purpose of boycotting the vigil. I cannot think of a legitimate reason for this. It simply does not make sense. Do they think Hailey did something wrong? Why does she not deserve to be sent off with a celebration? To me this is almost terrorism. Worse, this is terrorism on a dead little kid and her family.  Luckily between the boisterous motorcycles of the Hell's Angels and the huge turnout, making it impossible to navigate through the streets to make a point, they were run off. Springfield has always been a tight-woven little big town, but tonight, we deserve a pat on the back. Tonight, I was proud to be a member of this community.

My Favorite Characters

   Everyone has a list of favorite characters from the movies and TV shows they have watched. I'm going to attempt to list all of my favorites. First, I really love Dean Winchester from Supernatural. Ladies, if you have not watched this show, you should probably do so whenever you get the opportunity. Great show. Dean is witty, perverted, totally badass and, since he's played by Jensen Ackles he is, quite possibly, the sexiest man that ever lived. He and his brother, Sam travel the world and kill demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, you name it. Really entertaining stuff. Next up, Rick from the Walking Dead. First off let me just say that this is my favorite show of all time. My fiance and I have watched every episode since the very beginning. We are completely obsessed. Our Sundays revolve around the Walking Dead and I just think that Rick is the bravest leader and the best daddy anyone could hope for during the zombie apocalypse. Another of my beloved characters is Frank Abignail, Jr. from Catch Me If You Can. Played by Leonardo DiCaprio you really just can't go wrong. He's a super clever teenage con-artist who literally fools the entire world. From a pilot to a doctor to a lawyer he tries out all of the big money-making professions and forges thousands of payroll checks to himself. The FBI takes 10 years to finally catch up with him. I love this movie. Let's see. Who else do I love? Oh! Iggy Threadgood from Fried Green Tomatoes. Now there's an exemplary woman for ya. She's vulgar, rugged, sarcastic, tough as nails and has a heart of gold. She pretty much raised herself on the riverbanks after her brother died early in her childhood and the result was a larger than life, super fun and charming little country girl. As far from femininity and easy to fly off the handle as she is, I think she is a strong, amazing woman and I would love to be just like Iggy! There are literally hundreds of others I consider favorite characters, but I just don't have the time or patience to write them all down in detail for you. Who are your favorites?

Hailey Owens

  Tuesday afternoon we were informed that a 10-year-old girl had gone missing and had been witnessed being abducted by a strange man. Most all of Springfield and people all over the country were in a panic over her disappearance. Within 2 hours of the girl's abduction, the Amber Alert was issued and sent to cell phones all over the nation in hopes that someone had some information. A couple who lived down the street from Hailey witnessed the entire thing and immediately jumped into action. They hopped in their car and followed the man, who was driving fast enough that he managed to escape the chase. Tuesday evening we were told the police had found the truck and the abductor and, oh the relief I felt. That is until I read further on and found that the girl was still missing, a very bad sign in a case like this. I kept checking Ky3.com in hopes that they had good news, but nothing. I was up until about one o'clock Wednesday morning and did not hear any more news. Immediately after waking up Wednesday I got online and looked up the case. Hailey Owens had been found, dead. Her body was dismembered and placed into two separate trash bags in the man's basement, which smelled like bleach. The man, Craig Wood, has been placed in custody and cannot harm anymore innocent children. I cannot fathom the thoughts that must run through the head of someone like this. It sickens me that the world and, most importantly Hailey's family has lost this sweet little angel, not because of natural causes or by accident, but because there are people in our world that enjoy doing the devil's work. He tied her up immediately following their arrival to his home and he shot her in the back of the head. This signifies that this man committed this horrible murder for the specific purpose of doing so; because he wanted to kill a kid. These things will never make sense to me. Ever. Why would anyone want to end the life of someone so innocent as a child? Why would anyone ever do something like this to someone who is too small to be able to fend for themselves? It takes a weak, sick, SAD soul to be able to commit a crime so pointless. These last few nights, while putting my angels to bed I've held them extra tight and prayed, in tears, with all my might. I will never allow anyone the opportunity to hurt my children. No child deserves to end their life in fear, having no idea what's going on or what's going to happen to them. Children are supposed to have a life ahead of them full of opportunity and love and anyone that wishes to take these things away from a child deserves way worse than anything they can do to that child.

O...M...G

It's been difficult for me to find the time to blog the last couple of days. Between cleaning up vomit, changing clothes, doing laundry and changing trash bags I have been in a little over my head. I don't know what the hell possibly could have caused this since my children and I rarely go anywhere other than the grocery store, but the two of them have been exploding from both ends for the past 48 hours and Mommy is paying for it this evening. I went to the store today to pick up more Pepto Bismol, ginger ale, chicken noodle soup and a couple of cute stuffed animals to brighten a pretty shitty couple days and upon walking through my front door it was as if I walked directly into a wall of the most unpleasant vomit smell ever known to man. To top it all off, Mommy's tummy is beginning to rumble awfully loudly and I'm growing very concerned for my near future as I have a day packed with assignments and even a test tomorrow. Yikes. This is absolutely exhausting. The big boy slept most of the day today and, now that he's feeling better, it's looking like he won't be in bed anytime soon. Ugh, I'm gonna take a bath, chug some Immodium and dream of going to bed. Wish me luck with my busy day tomorrow and pray that I can survive the night!

SLANDER!!

What would you do if you woke one morning only to find that everything you always thought you knew was a lie? Where do you turn when you've suddenly discovered that your entire life has been fake? We're all so sure that everything is as it seems, but any day at any given moment the rug could be pulled out from under us. I think that right now more than ever this is a possibility. People are full of crap and so is the government. None of us know what to believe anymore. If I found out some day that all of my knowledge was false, I would not know where to begin. I would have to figure out a way to do some actual research and find out the truth. I'm pretty sneaky so I'm willing to bet i could get a little bit of information, but after losing a lifetime of information I don't think I'd ever be able to trust anyone or anything ever again.

Average, repeptitive, boring, beautiful life

  Here I sit again, as every other night on the couch with my love, drinking wine and watching our usual shows that were DVRing while we put the kids to bed. Every night, week after week and year after year we do the exact same thing. We live a life of habit. Before we found one another we each partook in a different activity each night and were very pleased. Now we are stuck in a habitual process, a repetitive lifestyle, and we couldn't be happier. Tonight, we took the boys out to see Michael's mother and on the way home we decided on a whim to go out to dinner. As regular as that seems to most people my age it is very unique and exciting for us. I had a cocktail (shocker) and a steak and OH MY GAWD was I happy. I turned into a little kid in a candy shop for one hour and it was awesome. When you live a life with little spontaneity, it makes those little things stand out in your memory as good, happy experiences and I think that makes our content, relaxed codependent existence even better. 

GET ME SEXY AGAIN!!!!

I just had to share something this afternoon. I have been on Weight Watchers since January 1st and today was my sixth weekly weigh-in. I have lost 31 pounds in 6 weeks. I cannot believe it. Before I had two c-sections in two years I was a super-hot 120 pound 5'2" party animal. My first pregnancy quite possibly saved my life, as I was headed down a pretty dark path back then and turned my life completely around from the second I read that test. During my first pregnancy I was working at Waffle House. When you work at Waffle House, you eat. You eat whatever you want. And you eat as much of it as you want. That being said I can tell you now that I gained 95 pounds in nine months. Oops. But dammit I was STARVING! After Braxton came, I started on HCG. I was able to lose 30 pounds in 15 days and I was able to gain it all back in a month. Frustrated, I tried my best to eat healthy and workout in order to lose my baby weight the healthy way. 1500 calories a day, pilates, walks, aerobics, and a gallon of water a day. 6 months and 5 pounds later, I was becoming very discouraged. I decided it was best to wait until Braxton hit one year to start back up. Maybe my body just wasn't ready to drop the weight. In February 2011, I managed to lose another 5 pounds by living a healthier lifestyle. Just as I thought I was starting to look good again, BOOM. Pregnant again. By this point I think we had figured out what causes pregnancy and vowed to be more careful. During the second pregnancy I was out of the restaurant business and away from free food. I only gained 30 pounds this time around, which was great. Now, Oliver is 16 months old and I decided on New Years after losing my depressing job that had been causing me to binge eat 16 hours a day that I needed to do this for myself, my kids and their poor daddy who fell in love with a hot chick and now had a beached whale. Now, a month and a half later, I'm starting to regain my confidence and I'm all pumped to get down to 150 by December 31st. Maybe that way I'll be able to be confident enough to buy a wedding dress that makes me look like a princess. A super hot princess. And we can finally tie the knot after 5 years and 2 kids...hopefully just two kids.

Blogging

I have a tendency to go way too far into detail when explaining things to my boyfriend about school and such. Today, I was explaining the whole idea of the blog my Composition professor has assigned us to post in each day and all of a sudden I realized that this exercise is already working. I have been getting faster and faster at composing my blogs and, as I read through them this afternoon, I realized how much more together they're beginning to sound. I think my professor may just be one of the most effective teachers I've ever had. I feel like I've learned so much in such a short amount of time and I've gained a good deal of confidence in my writing as well. Plus I'm learning how to compose a blog efficiently and I'm honestly considering taking this up as a hobby. Thanks, Ms.A!!

What They Believe & How I Feel About It

   For the second time in a week, I've just sat down and read all 6 This I Believe sample essays we were provided on the Ms.A's Classroom site. It always interests me to read about others' beliefs about miscellaneous topics, as I tend to be way more nosy than is probably good for me. I think Ms.A did a damn good job of picking 6 essays of this type. There is a wide variety of subject matter between all of them and they're all the perfect length - not so short I can't grasp the point, but not so long I want to nap halfway through.
   My favorite of all the essays listed was "I Believe In the Power of Stuff" by Ms.A herself. I can relate to this essay because I too am still in the process of removing all of my fiance's and my duplicate everything. I understand how stressful and annoying it can be to double the amount of stuff you have and don't necessarily need, because you do have to eventually chose the best version of everything you have or become a hoarder, which is disgusting. This writing truly inspired me to just get in there and do it. I'm certain there is someone around me who could actually use all of this junk that's just gathering dust at my house.
    Another essay from the samples that I enjoyed was "Leaving Identity Issues to the Other Folks" by Phyllis Allen. I though Ms.Allen was a strong and inspiring woman and a great narrator as well. I like her stance on self-confidence. This essay made me feel like if a black woman (whoa, double minority) can go through the hardest times in history for black rights and still be confident in who she is and what she believes in then surely I can be confident in myself as well. This story spoke to me personally as I have always had confidence issues and am at a point in my life where I'm in the midst of a full-fledged battle with my self-esteem.
   The other essays taught me life-lessons as well. I learned from "Be Cool to the Pizza Delivery Dude" by Sarah Adams that no matter what a person does for a living, they deserve to be treated with respect. This touched me because I've worked customer service, whether it be retail or restaurant, for 7 years and understand how terrible a feeling it is to be treated differently or like you're not worth anything because of a job. In reading "Always Go To the Funeral" by Deirdre Sullivan I learned that no matter how badly I don't want to do something, if it's supposed to be done, I must do it. If your potential actions can mean a lot to another person, even if it's inconvenient for you, you must do it for them. This essay made me think about a lot of the things I've skipped out on because it didn't sound like the most fun thing I could do that day. It made me think about how bad I could've made people feel. Sullivan is right in saying that you HAVE to do the right thing, even when you don't have to do it and really really don't want to.
   I enjoyed reading all of these essays. Not only because they gave me an example of what I need to do in my This I Believe Essay, but also because I feel as though I've learned a few new things about myself that I may not have realized before.

Neighbors - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

  I've lived in my house for about 4 months now and am just now realizing I have literally never once spoken to a single on of my neighbors. It's strange that we can live in such close proximity to someone and never acknowledge their existence. Our last neighbors hated us, and we never figured out why. I had friends over for Memorial Day. They all brought their kids and we had sodas and burgers and hot dogs, quietly in the back yard until early in the evening when everyone left. For whatever reason our neighbors shook their heads every single time they saw us and we never did figure out what happened. Our neighbors before that were incredible. They would text us when they ran out of toilet paper and we would run some over to them. We would text them if we needed sugar and they would bring us a whole bag. They would come over 3-4 nights a week to drink a few beers and watch TV with us and anytime they had leftovers they would bring them to my front door. We figured out after that that we had taken them for granted and we have yet to get that lucky again. I lived in a one-bedroom apartment with my Basset Hound for a year when I was 21. My neighbors there were very consistent in their weekly domestic disturbance calls to the police. I considered having my cable turned of at one point because I was so entertained by the psychos that lived in the next apartment over. They spent 90% of the time, day or night at each others throats and then they would have tearful reunions. My point is neighbors are like a box of chocolates. You never really do know what you're gonna get.

Credo

I believe that family is everything. It is the most therapeutic thing in the world. It is my foundation. I believe that family shapes who we are and what our souls represent. With family influence coming from every direction, from my grandparents, parents and siblings to my children and their father, everything I have discovered about myself was and is constantly being shaped by my family. A close loving family weaves warmth and happiness into life every single day and builds upon the soul's worth. Without my incredible family I cannot imagine who I would be. Family requires work. You cannot give up on family, no matter the circumstances, or you will lose a piece of your soul. There is nothing on God's green Earth more important than family; not work or school or friends. Nothing compares.

Time Travel Would Be So Sweet

  Wouldn't it be so great to go back in time to wherever and whenever you wanted? What time period would you be most anxious to visit? There would be so much to see and learn it would be nearly impossible to choose where to go first. I would love to see Paris in the 1920s or Anytown, USA in the late 1960s and experience the history and life of those times. I would kill to see the Beatles or Pink Floyd or the Doors perform live. I cannot imagine how incredible it would be to witness the construction of Stonehenge or Machu Piccho and finally know how those things came to be. Just imagine! You say, "I wanna go back to the beginning" and BOOM...you're hanging out with Jesus. You could even go shoot Hitler. Of course there is the theory of the Butterfly Effect, where you shoot Hitler and somehow down the road America explodes. It would definitely be more of an observed experience. You couldn't really do a whole lot without possibly changing the outcome of the world, which would suck, but the things you could witness! I wonder if time travel is actually somehow scientifically possible and we just haven't harnessed it. Maybe some day 5000 years from now they'll be looking back at the dark ages of the year 2014 before time travel existed. It's hard to believe technology can take over anymore than it already has. We would be robots. We're close enough already. Perhaps it's best that we not even attempt to figure out how to travel through time, as our world would benefit from a little bit less knowledge and technology. Of course that doesn't mean that I can't still dream about it!

Recipe For Happiness

   Everyone deserves to be happy, but what does it take to achieve happiness? Of course this is a broad inquiry and everybody would have a slightly different interpretation. This post details mine. In order to be happy, one must possess the ability to brush off all of the more difficult and disheartening aspects that automatically come with life in general. You must be able to forget about the most negative portions of your life and move on to find more positive things to add to your plate. Only you can make yourself happy. Next, you must be willing to give. Believe it or not it has been proven that giving back increases endorphins in the human brain and creates an almost euphoric state in the life of the giver, if only temporarily. If you have the time or resources to donate to organizations that benefit those less fortunate, do it. You will never regret helping to better the life of another. Next, one must be willing and able to contain a strong love for oneself. You have to be confident in your abilities and in your characteristics first in order to have the faith that you can, in fact, be happy with yourself. Always look at your positive attributes first, and then consider the things you could possibly change. Then, you must be willing to do whatever it takes to improve those things. Once you are at peace with yourself as a whole, you'll find it much simpler to be content with your life. Next, you must rid yourself of negativity in your life, whether that be friends with bad habits or a job you cannot stand. As I've mentioned before, I recently was laid off from my long-term job. The very day it happened, I enrolled in school and began the path to better myself, for myself. I am so fortunate to have been given this opportunity! Next step - make time every day to do something you love. If you love animals, get a dog and play with it, if only for a few minutes each day. You'll be surprised how good you will feel afterward. The last step in being truly happy in your shoes is to treat others the way you want them to treat you. The way that you treat the people in your life, even the ones you don't personally know who only provide you with goods or services in passing, determines the way they want to treat you. People treat others the way that others treat them. It's human nature. If you want to be treated with kindness and generosity, provide others with the same respect. Your parents were right when they told you that this is the way the world works. I'm so glad I have finally realized all of this. Although I have just begun the process of bettering myself and my life, I am so much happier than I was one month ago. In closing, I'll just say that YOU alone are the key to your own happiness and there is no way around that. If you aren't willing to take the steps in bettering yourself and your own life, nobody else is going to do it for you. Best wishes!

   I always wait until the end of the day to write on my blog. I do this strictly because I find it easier to come up with topics when I've just ended a day and the events of that day are fresh on my mind. Today, my parents took my sister, my kids and I to visit with my dying grandfather. While this is clearly something far too personal to include in a public blog, it was the only thing out of the ordinary that I did today and so I'm finding it a little harder to find something to write about. I can't help but wonder, is it writer's block? Or is it laziness? While I do have more easily accessible topics at the end of the day, I don't always have the energy after a day full of cooking, cleaning and entertaining two crazy boys. After a sleepless night I just don't have as much creativity this evening as I had hoped I would. What is the difference between writer's block and laziness? Is there a difference? Do we use "writer's block" as an excuse when we just simply don't feel like expending the energy to think of something clever? Everyone is busy. Surely that contributes to it and I think we've heard about writer's block for so long that, while it does exist, it has become more of an excuse than anything. Regardless, I'm using it as an excuse tonight to just freewrite about my thoughts, which are pretty sparse.

Creepy Neighbor

   I grew up in an older, but nice neighborhood. Everyone in the homes around us was over the age of 60 and every yard was well-kept, as were the homes themselves. It was a well-established neighborhood; The kind that has giant shade trees lining the streets and you can just tell those homes have been lived in for a long long time. Of course, there's always that one neighbor that has let their house go for too many years, who you rarely see and you can't help but wonder, "what goes on in that house?"
   The unkempt home in my childhood neighborhood was that of the creepiest man I've ever encountered. The house itself was huge. It was completely overgrown with moss, vines and weeping willow trees. It was on a corner lot and its giant, un-mowed back yard was only yards from the neighborhood pond, but all of the kids in the area would walk all the way around the neighborhood en route to the pond in order to avoid the "creepy guy's house." My sister and I were convinced, unjustly I'm sure, that he was a murderer or a rapist and that he sat at his window watching the neighborhood goings-on at all hours of the day. He was about my parents' age and never once had a visitor as far as we could tell. He would come out once or twice a week in dirty sweatpants with uncombed hair and no shirt covering his round belly to collect his mail and pile of newspapers, and it always seemed like the sun hurt his eyes and his skin.
   We lived in that neighborhood from the time I was born until I was 19 years old and for 19 years we tried figuring this guy out. Who was he? How did he earn a living? And why was he such a weird-o?! Just a couple of years back, my sister saw his picture in the paper. It was an entire article all about the great doctor and the medical advances he had patented, which allowed him to retire at 40. He had two sons and an ex-wife who had taken his boys out of state and remarried. All those years he was just a sad and lonely doctor who had earned his early retirement and lazy, sweatpants-ridden life. He never hurt anybody. It really made me think about the first impressions I allow myself to come up with provided no information whatsoever. I've since vowed to take careful consideration of the facts that I've been given before jumping to conclusions about people I otherwise don't know anything about. It's the littlest things that always wind up being the most important in the end.

Today proved how inconvenient it is to share one car between two adults with two children. Any time we both have things to do over the course of a day we wind up racking our brains trying to figure out how everyone will wind up at home at the end of the day. In the end, I feel like the poor kids always have their schedules messed up in some way. Tonight, they went to bed an hour and a half late with no baths simply because I had a meeting to attend in the afternoon. I wonder, though, just how much it truly affects them to go to bed late once in awhile or miss a nap once in a blue moon. Parenting is terrifying sometimes. You never really know what you're doing. The second I get used to things being one way they switch to being something totally different and my mind is blown for awhile. My entire life for the last 3 years has been spent adjusting and learning how to do something just as it changes and I no longer need that skill. It is so frustrating, but they keep me on my toes! I think one of the hardest parts of parenting is all of the STUFF you have to pack every time you walk out the door and all of the things that must be considering before doing ANYTHING. Again, our biggest issue there is sharing a car. It just does not work for 2 people who have hectic lives and kids that need to be delivered here and there with a thousand pounds of snacks and toys and changes of clothes, etc. Anyway, sharing a car is just terrible. The end.

While sitting in my big comfy chair sipping coffee and listening to my three and one-year-old sons banging around in their room, I can't help but wonder...what the hell are they breaking in there? This has become a daily routine since starting school. If I just let them go in that room and pull every toy (literally EVERY toy) out of the toy boxes and off of the shelves that I so neatly organized the evening before, then they leave me alone long enough that I can make a dent in my school work for the day. By the time I've finished one assignment it's time to feed them lunch and put the baby down for his nap and then my big boy and I typically sit down to watch a movie or read a few books while we are alone. When the little one wakes up it's time for more destruction of my once lovely home while I attempt to get started on another assignment. After an hour or so it comes time to start dinner, finish dinner, feed my kids their dinner, and clean up the disaster that is my kitchen. Then we put on PJs, brush teeth, read stories & the boys go to bed...FINALLY! Now, at last I can finish my schooling for the day before drinking an oversized glass of red wine & relaxing for a few minutes before bed so that I can do it all again the next day! My point is that, although I'm new at the whole stay-at-home mom thing, it is proving to be harder and, of course, more rewarding than the 50 hours a week I was spending at work just one month ago. As strange as it may sound being laid off was an absolute blessing and the 11 days that I had to start FAFSA and plow through the entire enrollment process are proving to have been well worth the stress. There is nothing in the world that makes me happier than being with my kids all day and, oddly enough, the sound of their laughter in the next room is soothing and helps me to do well in school. I truly feel like this was all meant to be and that I'm finally working towards the things that I've always wanted - spending the most crucial years with my family and home and eventually opening an international business that helps communities that need my help. I am one happy lady!

Freewriting

I've chosen to elaborate on my thought that I'm a wonderful mother. My kids are pretty lucky, and so is their father. I get up every morning, make a wholesome breakfast for them, watch cartoons, dress everyone, run errands, put the baby down for a nap, make lunch, do schoolwork, make dinner, clean the house, give baths, brush teeth and put kids to bed before I have time to think at all. I love my kids.I would do anything for them. I do everything for them. I wonder what would happen to them if I wasn't around. My fiance never really had parents and he turned out pretty well. I don't understand how those people can just not care about their kids. My entire outlook changed the moment I felt the first kick. I just can't figure out why some people are the way they are. I am rambling. My kids are angels and I wonder how much of that I'm responsible for. Hopefully a lot, because I want to know that my kids are good people because of me. I seriously make the cutest kids ever. Seriously, they look like angels. Of course they are totally not angels. They are completely insane. Anyway, I'm a good mom because I do so much for my kids and I would be willing to do so much more. I will do whatever it takes to ensure the safety and happiness of my babies. I work really hard in school so that I can earn a degree and get a job that pays well so that I can provide my kids with a good home and everything that they need. They are my whole life. I have no idea how I ever lived a full life before they came around. Everything I do is all about these two little boys. They already appreciate me. Braxton tells me everyday that he loves me so much and I'm a good mommy. Pretty impressive for a 3 year old. Pretty much everything that kid does is impressive. He is a genius, I honestly believe that. I tell him that he can run for president after he wins the Heismann Trophy. I think my kids are destined for big things. I will see to it that they have a good education and everything they need in order to succed. Times up!

This I believe...

1. I believe I'm a good writer
2. I believe I'm a little crazy
3. I believe I'm a wonderful mom
4. I believe I have the best family ever
5. I believe I make super cute kids
6 .I believe I have anger issues
7. I believe I was meant to succeed
8. I believe I will be wealthy one day
9. I believe I'm unlucky
10. I believe men are stupid
11. I believe I need a new car
12. I believe I drink too much wine
13. I believe I watch too many documentaries
14. I believe I have a knack for interior decorating
15. I believe my man is a gift from God
16. I believe I will graduate with good grades
17. I believe losing my job was a blessing
18. I believe it's hard to think about what I believe with psycho children harassing me
19. I believe my children are psycho
20. I believe I suck at algebra
21. I believe my man has worthless parents
22. I believe our president is a moron
23. I believe that wrestling is real
24. I believe that I have a full plate
25. I believe that I'm running out of things to say
26. I believe I'm good to my fella
27. I believe my guy's best friend is creepy
28. I believe dinosaurs are awesome
29. I believe that coffee is the nectar of the gods
30. I believe I need a new wardrobe
31. I believe I'm right where I'm supposed to be
32. I believe my time is almost up
33. I believe this is the longest 10 minutes of my life

I am an ESFJ...or am I?

After taking the Jung Typology Test, I'm told that my personality type is made up of the four characteristics Extravert, Sensing, Feeling and Judging. In other words, I am my mother (who is almost as cool as I am). I will have to agree to this finding for the most part. I am truly an entertainer as my results tell me. I love to have people over for crazy huge meals and WINE! I am indeed an extravert as I love to be around people and I've always been the ring leader, so to speak, which my test results also mentioned. I think my extravertedness (which is not a word) helps me significantly in the writing and editing process. I have always been good at putting my thoughts down on paper; It just takes me an absurd amount of time, which is also mentioned in my results. By far my favorite part of my results is the part that says I have "an overwhelming rescuing, mothering drive." That is so unbelievably me! Before having kids of my own I was the girl that took care of all of my friends. Everyone always came to me to vent, tell secrets and nurse them back to health when sick or wounded. I have always put others' happiness and well-being before my own. That also helps me to write well, as I'm always looking at things with the mentality "how would everyone else feel about this?". I aim to please everyone, and just hope that the instructor is most pleased and gives me a good grade for all my long, hard work :-)  Now, the ugly...The test is correct in saying that I'm easily wounded. I wouldn't consider myself to be sensitive, but I do get upset a little more easily than I should and I have a tendency to take things waaaaay too personally. It gets me more than any one person should ever be hurt, but it helps my writing!! I feel like, in regards to authors, the more emotional the better. It's the articles of which the author is very passionate that make a bolder point. I do that. One last thing. My results say that I'm extra-cautious of well, everything. Again, very true. My  poor children and their father have to deal with my psychotic cleaning and hand-holding everywhere we go. But, hey, at least I know we're safe! In conclusion, I am pretty amazed at the accuracy of my test results! I learned a lot about myself and I think I have a lot of quirks that make me a damn good writer.